The Phone Losers of New Zealand issue 2 by PublicAccess

To those who read my last issue, you know how lame it was, but don't worry, this one should be even lamer as I should be talking to myself through most of it. Don't I have a cool life? But before we get onto that, here's the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: If you read this issue, you may succumb to an evil skin desease which results in loss of teeth, hair etc. You may also do something ILLEGAL after reading this for which I take accept no blame. If you are using AOL then you must stop reading this. If you continue to read this text file the AOLcops will arrest you and take you to the white house, where willie will analy rape you with his attempted communications decency act.

Now onto some other crap

Why I started this piece of crap 'zine? - by PublicAccess

After reading PLA046 and realising that I would no longer be able to laugh over new PLA stuff I fell into a deep depression, I was so sad that even masturbation offered no joy to me anymore. Then it hit me, why not start a real lame piece of crap text file myself? And that is what I did.

Responses to PLNZ001 by PublicAccess

the 001 issue was real lame, even by my standards. But I did end up getting some mail from it. Most of it was from new zealand hacker wanna-be's. Typical ones of these go something like this.

I really wanna be a kool hacker .
Mum say's it's OK as long as I don't do anything illegal.
I have just seen the movie Hackers so I already know a lot
about hacking . I also want to hack my schools computer and
change my grades. Can you tell me how to do this?

Hack the planet

D/\ Fuxn K001 H/\X0R

Before I get more mail like that I want to tell everyone I AM NOT A HACKER ok!!
I AM A PHREAK!!! jeez. I hate the word hacker now. When I think of a hacker, do I think of a highly experienced computer guy?? NO I think of all those " Hackers" saying how K-Rad they are and telling everyone else how lame they are. Also, please do not write to me in K-rad speak. It just gets me all hot and horny, then my loins ache for a woman. Unfortunately as I am a computer nerd I do not get many women, so I usually end up playing my own instument.

More stuff and crap - by YEP!, PublicAccess

Hmm, what other stuff can I talk about? I suppose I could tell you about how I love going through Telecom's rubbish, but there's already a page on dumpster diving in the PLA page dammit and, wait a minute.

THE FUCKING MORMONS!!. dammit. I go to my door and see a woman. YES!!! I exclaim, opening the door wide so that she can suck my sheer manliness. As I open my door further I see that there are two of them. A twosome!!! But then, Tragedy struck. She opened her mouth and asI unfastened my top button she said " We would like to talk to you about god" Their raped and mutilated bodies now lie in the bottom of my closet.
He He He He He

I see this is going to be a pretty short issue because I am running out of crap to write about, uhhhhh. I like ringing up telecom numbers that the public aren't supposed to know and then getting info from them. I'm sorry if this sounds just a teensy wit sexist but women telecom operators are SOOOO easy to get info from. Just say some technical sounding terms to them and they just open up. for Instance when I want to get an unlisted number I usually say something like this to the nice people in circuit systems.

PA-Hi, I'm trying to get the number assigned to the
cable pair running into 5 Ring Road, Bullshitsville.
I need to get the PLA recalibrated and line voltage re-checked.
Op - certainly, the number is 843-9264
PA- Thankyou

That's it. This issue is finished. Sorry it's so short but I am too lazy to keep on typing.
If you want the honour and high glory of having your name at the bottom of one of these articles
then send an article which I can stick in it.
Send your articles to

This has been a PublicAccess production.
Copy this file as many damn times as you want, I don't give a shit.