The Phone Losers of New Zealand - Issue 3 by PublicAccess
Welcome to the PLNZ issue 3. Issue 3 is the longest issue by far, and
of course the most irrelevant. An important reminder for everyone is
this.
The PLNZ is not a 31337124565321891089528 - 927495 publication. I am
lame and have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. I am lying,
I never do anything, I am pathetic. The PLNZ is nothing, the PLNZ
is just my attempt to write a text file. The PLNZ in owned by the
PLA which will always remain by far, the better.
If you are offended by anything in this issue, I really do not care.
Go and insert a rake up your rectum and twist it a few times, then
set your pet kittie cat on fire and dance around it with excrement
smeared all over your body screaming adulation to the ancient god
Kakfulgoran.
I do not care ok??
Everything in this issue was written by PublicAccess.
Things that might be included in this issue.
* Having fun with wireless mikes
* Mcdonalds Harassment
* Telecom Harassment
* Crap I did last month
* How to swing when your legs are too long
* My award winning cactus poem
* How to piss off nearly every operator in the world for free ( In N.Z )
* How to make the PLNZ better
* What will be found in PLNZ issue 4
I got some replies to issue two, most saying that it was funny but that
there was nothing much in it. I decided then to include at least one
thing of " importance " to a phreak in every issue to keep the few
readers, well, reading.
Also, I do not really write the PLNZ to make people happy, not at all.
You see, when I have time to myself, I want to spend it creating
misery and despair to as many people as I can. If you want to cause a
lot of misery just upload this file to every BBS in your area
( especially the religous ones ) and give a copy to everyone you know.
Then we can all be miserable together.
************* Having fun with wireless mikes ***************************
By PublicAccess
Before I start to say anything, all you 31337 H/-\x0r d00dz are saying
( in english now, not k-rad speak) " what the fux rong?? you karn't
spel phun propar like. All of you, I refer you to the rake piece. I am
spelling phun as fun because I can't be stuffed pressing the extra
button. Now on with the article OK??
Now many of you have probably used a walkie talkie to spy on someone
before. This is great and all but a walkie talkie is kind of hard to
fit into a phone , also another walkie talkie ( or scanner ) is needed
to recieve it. A better way to invade someone's privacy is to use a
wireless mike.
To get a wireless mike go down to you're local Dick Smith's,
Radio shack etc, you know, a store which supplies vastly overpriced
parts for the " electronics enthuisiast ". Wireless mikes are found in
the kit's section, this is the part of the store set aside so little
kiddies can build flashing LED's and crap like that. In N.Z you need
to buy an assembly book called " FunWay into electronics 2 ) for the
instructions. This is a green book and I picked it up for 2 dollars at
a used book store. The kit has a green cardboard piece with "wireless
mike" on it ( surprise, surprise ) and it costs about 14 dollars, or
you could just shoplift it.
OK, now you have your kit. Assemble it. I am not going to teach you how
to solder. If you do not know how to solder, you suck, use your soldering iron
instead of a rake ( see rake piece) make your mike as small as you can.
Now you have your wireless mike. It can transmit over every frequency
your $12 radio at home can recieve. However, do not set it at the
same frequency as the big commercial radio station you dolt or you are
stupider than me. Now here is some things that I do with it.
Ok, now you are thinking, " Wow, man I am like, so kool. I can listen
to how many He-Beasts my sister screws every night while I listen,
masturbating. " Ok, well yes a wireless mike is good for conventional
listening, But the real beauty is it's ability to fit in the earpiece
of a phone. Now you should get an idea of what I use it for.
If you are putting this in a phone at home, it is quite easy to
unscrew the handset, make a hole in the earpiece of the payphone and
slide it in ( the mike, you sick bastards, the mike! ) but how many
calling cards/credit cards are used on your home phone? ( legitimate
calling cards that is) 0? 1? that is not nearly enough. For best
results you are going to need to bug your local payphone.
"How? " you cry, "Don't you know the handset is almost impossible to
open?" almost? yes, impossible? hell no, but you are going to need
some highly specialised telephone equipment
You will need - One hacksaw
- An arm
Do you get what I am talking about now? Ok it is best to go down to
the payphone in the early morning for two reasons.
a) Very few people are around at that time.
b) You can get maximum life from the battery.
Just cut straight through the handset. Be sure to re-attach the wires
after you are finished. You will also need to make a hole in the metal
surrounding the earpiece.
Next you idiots are going to scream. " Great one PublicAccess, now we
have bugged the payphone. But the handset is sliced in half, you're in
trouble now, I'm gonna tell my momma on you !!! ) Geez, how pathetic,
it looks like I'll have to come to the rescue again. Go down to your
local handy dandy hardware store. No, not the computer store, the
other hardware store, the one with the dropouts that hang around
talking about their " tools ". Go in there and buy something called
" Selley's knead it steel ". This is a sort of plastacine like
substance which hardens to something like steel. Spread that over your
crack ( The payphone, the payphone ) and wait for it to harden.
you can stamp telecom on it if you really want to. You can paint this
black as well to try and hide it."
Ok. now all you have to do is hang around with your walkman
( which has radio ), a pad and paper ( or laptop if you are rich )
and all you have to do is wait around for your victim to use a calling
card or just talk and you are away. After all, who would be
suspitious of a teenager with a big smile on his face listening to his
walkman on a bright summer's day, even if that teenager looks like a
zombie monster from HELL that has probably not slept for 56 hours ............
I wrote this text file because I like using wireless mikes and have not seen
another file like this
( except maybe the one about cordless phones)
Note: about 3 days before I was due to release this file I read a PLA
issue which had a file like this in it ( PLA045 I think ) It is much
better than my file, read a copy today ! However, because it took
me 2 hours to type this with my forehead, I am letting it stay. OK?
Anyway, it makes the contents file look more impressive.
Mcdonalds Harassment - Also by PublicAccess
- Introduction
About two weeks ago I went down to my local Mcdonald's family
restaurant chain to indulge in my daily ratshit burger. Deciding to
try something new, I merrily ordered 6 chicken McNuggets. Well, I had to spend
a whole 15 minutes of time I could have wasted somewhere else, because
the little burger minions had to learn how to use the damn cooker.
When I did get them they were truly horrific, wrinkled up, burned
little pieces of crap. Naturally I was not a cheery happy-go-lucky
phone loser. NO! I was a pissed of phone PHREAK who needed revenge!
After destroying the store in a nuclear holocaust I decided that, yes
maybe I had wasted lives needlessly. After all, they were only
braindead little idiots. It is the corporate assholes who were
responsible for my McNuggets. There was a problem though. The offices
of Mcdonalds were not listed, only the restaurants were. I got to work
with my K-Rad 'leet Haxor skillz and started dialling numbers like
0800 Macdonalds, 0800 Mactime, etc until I came upon 0800 BIG MAC which
happens to be THE number for the corporate offices for all McDonalds
family restaurants in New Zealand ! he he he he he he he .............
Here are some of the calls I made, and I made a lot of calls. These
are just some I remember.
MD : Hello? Brenda speaking
Pac: Yeah hi, I was just wondering, how do your employees make their
burgers?
MD: Excuse me?
Pac: How do your employees make the burgers?
MD: I don't know what you mean.
Pac: Well do they just insert your meat between their buns?
MD: Yes, pretty much.
Pac: What? So they just kind of lean over and just sort of slide your
meat inside their buns?
MD: Yes, that's what they do.
Pac: That's pretty sick you know !
MD: Well it's the only way of doing it !
Pac: Do your employees ejaculate into the mayonaise?
- click -
I tried again about a minute later
MD: Hello? Brenda speaking.
Pac: Do your employees ejaculate into the mayonnaise?
MD: NO !
Pac: Why not?
MD: Because it is vulgar and disgusting, and McDonalds has very high
standards !
Pac: Well it sure as hell doesn't taste like it.
- click -
MD: Hello?
Pac: ( in very best Beavis and Butthead voice ) Hu hu, will you, like,
swallow my thickshake?
-click-
How to piss off nearly every operator in the world
Without paying a cent.
Well, here I am, it is 2 days before I amo going to release this issue, it is a bright
sunny Sunday morning.
* Am I in church, praising the lord?
* Am I down at the beach?
* Am I playing sport?
* Am I being social?
NO!!
I am down at the payphone trying to find more ways to ruin Telecom.
About World Direct
World direct is a serice which Telecom N.Z provides. It is basically
a list of numbers which connects you to most countries operators
directly and use a calling card, or make a collect call. Telecom
does this so that whenever a NZ'er is on holiday, they can ring
Telecom directly so that Telecom can still
suck the money out of you wherever you are in the world,
Beware - the tentacles of Telecom terror are Transcontinental!!
Run for the hills !!!!
I mainly use this telecom feature because it is a lot more
fun to cactus an AT&T supervisor than it is to cactus a simple
Telecom operator. For those who do not know, cactusing
someone just means that you ring them, and no matter
what they say, only reply " cactus? ". Try it today !
Also, I only found this out by accident a few days ago.
You can get a supervisor just by asking for one. If the
operator asks you why, don't give them a reason,
THEY MUST CONNECT YOU.
this is cool isn't it ?
No, I did not find this k-kool 'leet nfo from
my haxor skills, the numbers are in the
phonebook. Read one now. All world
direct numbers are 0009XX
for instance 000911 = AT&T
000912 = MCI
etc,
Has anyone heard of the company Worldcom in the U.S??
My Award winning Cactus Poem - By PublicAccess
This is a poem I gave in to my teacher, she didn't give me any marks
for it. Maybe she did not grasp the subtle nuances and hidden meaning
to it?
CACTUS
Cactus?
Cactus? Cactus?
Cactus? Cactus? Cactus?
Cactus? Cactus?
Cactus?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, Let us all meditate upon that ................................
Telecom Harassment
0800 10 30 60
This is about my favourite number to ring. Using this number you
can connect yourself to the higher echelons of Telescum. You can
also connect yourself to security, dispatch, management, switching
Alarm monitoring and heaps of other stuff. I have got to get some
wav files of the stuff I do on this, and guess what? they don't
have to act nice to you here !!!
Here is one call I made to faults ( 012 )
Tele:Hello, Faults.
Pacc: Yeah there's a broken payphone, registration # XXXXXXX
Tele: And what's the problem
Pacc: I smashed it
Tele: What?
Pacc: I smashed it
Tele: How?
Pacc: With a sledgehammer
Tele: Is this a joke?
Pacc: No way!! there are some wicked craters in it and the
LCD's all smashed up and the phone is just not working.
Tele: All right, very funny
Pacc: And you know what else?
Tele: What?
Pacc: Well I read somewhere that if you piss in the coin slot
you can make free calls...
Tele: Well that doesn't work
Pacc: Yeah whatever, anyway, I didn't need to piss, so I took a
crap in the coin slot instead.
Tele: Really
Pacc: Yeah, it's a big stinky brown one.
Tele: Who is this?
Pacc: PHEAR THE PLA!!!!
It kind of sucked after that
How to swing when your legs are too long
Recently I went down to the park to make a call at the local payphone,
While I was there, I saw the playground swing that had given
me such enjoyment as a small child. So I decided to swing, for
old time's sake.
After I began to swing however, I noticed that when I came
back down, my feet banged against the ground, making me
slow down and preventing me from swinging.
DISASTER! My beloved swing, and I could no longer swing on it.
There must be some way, some way for me to swing when my
legs are too long.
And there was
Here are the four steps to swinging when your legs are too small.
Step 1 - When going up, keep your legs fully outstretched
Step 2 - At the apex of your swing, keep your legs outstretched
Step 3 - When going over the ground, keep your legs outstretched
Step 4 - At the apex of the reverse swin, quickly flick your legs
under your seat and outstretch them again, this should
provide you with enough acceleration to keep swinging.
Now why would I waste everybodies time by writing this?
well, here are a couple of reasons.
1
It makes this issue longer and more impressive in your hard drive space
2
It wastes your time and prevents you from doing anything productive
until you die and rot away into nothing.
The bit at the end of this issue
Well here it is, the end of this issue. What has it accomplished?
Nothing, nothing at all. But it was good for telecom, keeping
me inside and not on one of their payphones.
Do you think this issue sucked?
If you did, make it better. Write me something, anything. Even
You suck !! would be great. It means another word less that I
would have to type. Mail any old crap, and I mean anything.
to pacc@usa.net. That is the end of this issue, not that anyone
could give a damn
What will be found in issue 4
Harassing the Beehive
More telecom harassment
About the NO BULLY page
Call transcripts
Some numbers to read
and some other stuff
==================================================================
This has been a PublicAccess production
Copy this file as many times as you want, like I care
==============================================================
Mcdonalds Harassment - Also by PublicAccess - Introduction About two weeks ago I went down to my local Mcdonald's family restaurant chain to indulge in my daily ratshit burger. Deciding to try something new, I merrily ordered 6 chicken McNuggets. Well, I had to spend a whole 15 minutes of time I could have wasted somewhere else, because the little burger minions had to learn how to use the damn cooker. When I did get them they were truly horrific, wrinkled up, burned little pieces of crap. Naturally I was not a cheery happy-go-lucky phone loser. NO! I was a pissed of phone PHREAK who needed revenge! After destroying the store in a nuclear holocaust I decided that, yes maybe I had wasted lives needlessly. After all, they were only braindead little idiots. It is the corporate assholes who were responsible for my McNuggets. There was a problem though. The offices of Mcdonalds were not listed, only the restaurants were. I got to work with my K-Rad 'leet Haxor skillz and started dialling numbers like 0800 Macdonalds, 0800 Mactime, etc until I came upon 0800 BIG MAC which happens to be THE number for the corporate offices for all McDonalds family restaurants in New Zealand ! he he he he he he he ............. Here are some of the calls I made, and I made a lot of calls. These are just some I remember. MD : Hello? Brenda speaking Pac: Yeah hi, I was just wondering, how do your employees make their burgers? MD: Excuse me? Pac: How do your employees make the burgers? MD: I don't know what you mean. Pac: Well do they just insert your meat between their buns? MD: Yes, pretty much. Pac: What? So they just kind of lean over and just sort of slide your meat inside their buns? MD: Yes, that's what they do. Pac: That's pretty sick you know ! MD: Well it's the only way of doing it ! Pac: Do your employees ejaculate into the mayonaise? - click - I tried again about a minute later MD: Hello? Brenda speaking. Pac: Do your employees ejaculate into the mayonnaise? MD: NO ! Pac: Why not? MD: Because it is vulgar and disgusting, and McDonalds has very high standards ! Pac: Well it sure as hell doesn't taste like it. - click - MD: Hello? Pac: ( in very best Beavis and Butthead voice ) Hu hu, will you, like, swallow my thickshake? -click-
How to piss off nearly every operator in the world Without paying a cent.
Well, here I am, it is 2 days before I amo going to release this issue, it is a bright
sunny Sunday morning.
* Am I in church, praising the lord?
* Am I down at the beach?
* Am I playing sport?
* Am I being social?
NO!!
I am down at the payphone trying to find more ways to ruin Telecom.
About World Direct
World direct is a serice which Telecom N.Z provides. It is basically
a list of numbers which connects you to most countries operators
directly and use a calling card, or make a collect call. Telecom
does this so that whenever a NZ'er is on holiday, they can ring
Telecom directly so that Telecom can still
suck the money out of you wherever you are in the world,
Beware - the tentacles of Telecom terror are Transcontinental!!
Run for the hills !!!!
I mainly use this telecom feature because it is a lot more
fun to cactus an AT&T supervisor than it is to cactus a simple
Telecom operator. For those who do not know, cactusing
someone just means that you ring them, and no matter
what they say, only reply " cactus? ". Try it today !
Also, I only found this out by accident a few days ago.
You can get a supervisor just by asking for one. If the
operator asks you why, don't give them a reason,
THEY MUST CONNECT YOU.
this is cool isn't it ?
No, I did not find this k-kool 'leet nfo from
my haxor skills, the numbers are in the
phonebook. Read one now. All world
direct numbers are 0009XX
for instance 000911 = AT&T
000912 = MCI
etc,
Has anyone heard of the company Worldcom in the U.S??
My Award winning Cactus Poem - By PublicAccess
This is a poem I gave in to my teacher, she didn't give me any marks
for it. Maybe she did not grasp the subtle nuances and hidden meaning
to it?
CACTUS
Cactus?
Cactus? Cactus?
Cactus? Cactus? Cactus?
Cactus? Cactus?
Cactus?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, Let us all meditate upon that ................................
Telecom Harassment
0800 10 30 60
This is about my favourite number to ring. Using this number you
can connect yourself to the higher echelons of Telescum. You can
also connect yourself to security, dispatch, management, switching
Alarm monitoring and heaps of other stuff. I have got to get some
wav files of the stuff I do on this, and guess what? they don't
have to act nice to you here !!!
Here is one call I made to faults ( 012 )
Tele:Hello, Faults.
Pacc: Yeah there's a broken payphone, registration # XXXXXXX
Tele: And what's the problem
Pacc: I smashed it
Tele: What?
Pacc: I smashed it
Tele: How?
Pacc: With a sledgehammer
Tele: Is this a joke?
Pacc: No way!! there are some wicked craters in it and the
LCD's all smashed up and the phone is just not working.
Tele: All right, very funny
Pacc: And you know what else?
Tele: What?
Pacc: Well I read somewhere that if you piss in the coin slot
you can make free calls...
Tele: Well that doesn't work
Pacc: Yeah whatever, anyway, I didn't need to piss, so I took a
crap in the coin slot instead.
Tele: Really
Pacc: Yeah, it's a big stinky brown one.
Tele: Who is this?
Pacc: PHEAR THE PLA!!!!
It kind of sucked after that
How to swing when your legs are too long
Recently I went down to the park to make a call at the local payphone,
While I was there, I saw the playground swing that had given
me such enjoyment as a small child. So I decided to swing, for
old time's sake.
After I began to swing however, I noticed that when I came
back down, my feet banged against the ground, making me
slow down and preventing me from swinging.
DISASTER! My beloved swing, and I could no longer swing on it.
There must be some way, some way for me to swing when my
legs are too long.
And there was
Here are the four steps to swinging when your legs are too small.
Step 1 - When going up, keep your legs fully outstretched
Step 2 - At the apex of your swing, keep your legs outstretched
Step 3 - When going over the ground, keep your legs outstretched
Step 4 - At the apex of the reverse swin, quickly flick your legs
under your seat and outstretch them again, this should
provide you with enough acceleration to keep swinging.
Now why would I waste everybodies time by writing this?
well, here are a couple of reasons.
1
It makes this issue longer and more impressive in your hard drive space
2
It wastes your time and prevents you from doing anything productive
until you die and rot away into nothing.
The bit at the end of this issue
Well here it is, the end of this issue. What has it accomplished?
Nothing, nothing at all. But it was good for telecom, keeping
me inside and not on one of their payphones.
Do you think this issue sucked?
If you did, make it better. Write me something, anything. Even
You suck !! would be great. It means another word less that I
would have to type. Mail any old crap, and I mean anything.
to pacc@usa.net. That is the end of this issue, not that anyone
could give a damn
What will be found in issue 4
Harassing the Beehive
More telecom harassment
About the NO BULLY page
Call transcripts
Some numbers to read
and some other stuff
==================================================================
This has been a PublicAccess production
Copy this file as many times as you want, like I care
==============================================================