File : APTEL90.TXT Author : Iceman(NZ) BBS : The Banana Republic BBS Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '90 ================================================ This document describes Applied Telecommunications' trip to Computing '90 and the various events that occurred there. After the success of our trip last year (see the file APTEL89.TXT) it was decided to mount an even larger expedition this year.....and now read on.... The Crew: ========= Name: Position / Company A.k.a. Eddie Van Halen SNJ QZM SNJ Hexen Hammer The Cookie Monster - / Nibbles and Bytes Hexen Hammer Dr.Dobbs SNJ Turbo Scuzzy Hugh Lette-Packard Disk Drive Controller / E.M.Pty The Iceman The Iceman Consultant to the BR The Iceman E.N.Iac SNJ Cuzzin It/Rastaman Ja El Prez Sysop of the BR El Prez Bat Bastard Consultant to the BR Bat bastard Mack the Knife Note that those people listed twice later re-registered under another name. Also, various other people for one reason or another used their real names. Preamble: ========= At 9:30 almost 90% of the staff of Applied Telecommunications appeared as if by magic in the Computer Lab at Auckland University, ostensibly to attend a business meeting for a company somehow related to Applied Telecommunications in an undefinable manner. Many of them had dressed especially for the occasion: QZM wore a long coat with seemingly bottomless pockets, ideal for storing free samples of products; the Rastaman wore a stylish black jacket over which he draped his slightly less stylish "Cuzzin It" hair; and the Iceman (for the first time in living history) actually wore shoes (however he offset this slightly by wearing a "Kentucky Fried Chicken" shirt and faded jeans). After a relatively brief meeting consisting mainly of rude comments about a certain brand of computer, we distributed ourselves into various cars, and sped off in the direction of the Epsom Showgrounds, clutching business passes acquired by various means, blank disks, copying programs, and lists of funny names to use on the registration form. Amble: ====== Upon arriving at the venue and stowing vast quantities of materiel into the enormous pockets of QZM's coat, we approached the foyer of the Michael Fowler centre, only to discover with horror that our business passes were worthless - there were stacks of them lying around for anyone to use. Even more mysterious was the presence of a number of unattended terminals, apparently for "do-it-yourself" registration. Presumably this was done as a cost-cutting measure and to speed up what has previously been something of a bottleneck; however this may not be done again next year due to its abuse by a number of irresponsible hoons who entered all sorts of ridiculous names and companies into the system. After typing in our names, addresses, phone numbers, computer systems, date of birth, and mother's maiden name, we proceeded into the hall, immediately launching into the annual "see-who-can-collect-the-most-business-cards" competition, coupled with a souvenir-gathering blitz that would have put a major crimewave to shame. The main competition was between the Iceman and Rastaman Ja, who were determined to outdo each other in the volume of their "acquisitions". At around the same time, Eddie van Halen, wearing a Roland synthesizer shirt and standing in front of a keyboard trying to play it, was asked by a salesman if he was sure he knew what he was doing. Shortly afterwards, he was seen engaged in conversation with an ernest-looking gentleman of Dutch descent wanting to know which part of Holland he came from. At around 2:30, the contingent from the esteemed Banana Republic BBS arrived, and El Presidente, the sysop, immediately handed out BR stickers to all present. At this point also several people underwent name changes as they assumed their BR identities (it is also rumoured that some people underwent sex changes as well, however Mack the Knife has vigorously denied these allegations). Now it was time to witness, once again, that most amazing of things, the Presidential Souvenir-Gathering Manoeuver. This involved wandering up to a booth, engaging the salespeople there in conversation for a few minutes, then calmly opening a large bag and, in one grand motion, sweeping the entire contents of the table in front of the booth into it. This technique really had to be seen to be believed. Shortly thereafter the Iceman located an unattended Exhibitors Pass lying next to a Wang system, but despite all attempts to acquite it he was repeatedly foiled by the eagle-eyed salesman hovering around the stand. However, he later relieved the Number One Software stand of one of these prizes while the staff were busy discussing the merits of the Jaffas they were supposed to be distributing in a quiet corner. Rumour has it that Mack the Knife also acquired one of these treasured items at the close of the exhibition, along with an enamelled chart of the show LAN, and miscellaneous other paraphernalia. A place of interest at the show was the NZ Micro stand, where at some time during the event nearly every sysop in Auckland turned up, both those of the more legitimate BBS's, and those of "other" BBS's (most of them members of the Applied Telecommunications group). In fact, there was such a strong Aptel showing this year that salesmen at various stands recognised the company as soon as they read out nametags. However, all good times must come to an end, and so we bid farewell to the hackers social event of the year (excluding the world-famous Banana Republic party), and with hearts heavy and pockets bulging with small mementos of the show, we quietly set out homewards once again ("Do you think we could blow their tires if we turn the volume up far enough?"). --- Watch out for Applied Telecommunications at Computing '91 --- (And lock up your valuables) The Iceman. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AUTHOR : Iceman(NZ) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------